October 6, 2009

Dudes and Decorum. Guest Blogger Mindy Lockard helps us with the task of raising respectful and mannerly men.

Before we get started with my top-five manners, please, moms and dads – think of yourselves as your little dude’s coach! Just as we wouldn’t send them on the field without a coach on the sideline to help along the way, we don’t want to send them into situations without a game plan. Here are five basic manners for helping little dudes feel confident in any social situation.

Remember – these are skills they will use for the rest of their lives!

1. Stand up. Standing is a gesture that shows respect – for others as well as yourself. It says, “I’m willing to sacrifice my comfort to show respect to you.” This act, and understanding why it’s important, will help your boys understand similar respect manners, such as opening doors for everyone, pulling out a lady’s chair, and removing hats when appropriate.

2. Smile and make eye contact. Facial skills can be tricky for little and big dudes, but it’s a very important skill to learn. Since most of us have a digital camera, keep yours on hand. When you greet your dude at school or see him with his friends, snap a quick photo. This photo will help him to see the good, the bad, and the ugly facial expressions. Many times we don’t know the looks we’re giving until they’re pointed out. When he sees the photo, help him identify what his expression might be communicating. For example, a grumpy or straight face may say, “I’m not happy to see you,” or “There are other places I’d rather be.” Dialog about how your son wants to present himself.

When it comes to eye contact, help your little dudes look you in the eye by practicing at home. At ManneroftheMonth.com, we try to help our subscribers with resources to make teaching eye contact easier. Here’s an old sales tip – if your little dude is struggling to make eye contact, take a sticker and place it between your eyes. This will help him to create a habit of looking in the direction of another’s eyes.

This is a perfect example of why we suggest boys and men remove their hats indoors. Removing the bill barrier enables a clear line of sight for eye contact. Even if your dude isn’t comfortable without his hat, with a little practice he’ll adjust. Taking the hat out of the equation helps everyone to communicate better.

3. Speak and say your name clearly. Helping children to enunciate properly is an important foundation for confident social skills. Start with his names – take time to talk with your dude about why it’s important to feel comfortable saying his name. Practice slowing down and saying names clearly.

4. Shake hands. Teach your boys to extend a hand when meeting, greeting, or leaving. Practice this at home, and talk about appropriate firmness when shaking. Have fun with it! Give them examples of the “Dead Fish” and “Bone Crusher” shakes before practicing a confident shake that won’t end in a hand injury.

5. Strike up a conversation. Help your little dude stock his social arsenal by starting with conversation skills. The ability to ask and answer questions with more than one word is a valuable life skill. This can be tricky, and requires time your part to help your son expand his communication arsenal. For example, when asked about school, prompt him to answer with his favorite subject or activity, and why. When asked about his sport season, suggest that he answer with why he enjoys that sport.

Help him to start conversations by practicing at home. For a peer, practice having your sons open with, “Tell me about your game.” For an adult, try, “It’s nice to see you, Mrs. Jones, tell me about your day.” The phrase “tell me” is an open-ended question, and will help your little dude strike up a real conversation, rather than a dud of a conversation!

As you work with your dudes to improve their manners, remember baby steps. When we overwhelm our children, they never give us the results we’re looking for! Make sure to praise your boys when they open doors or give a good shake – they’re on their way to being confident big dudes.

You can check out more of Mindy’s superb etiquette advice at her fabulous site Manner of the Month